W Polsce większość z nas woła „o Jezu!” gdy cierpi.
W różnych modyfikacjach.
Po operacji, gdy organizm odmawiał powrotu do funkcjonowania, w momencie mojego największego cierpienia jęczałam „Jezu Chryste!” i czułam, że mój brzuch pali się od środka. Rozdzierający ból przy osłabionym operacją ciele był nie do zniesienia. Przecież operacja się udała, więc co do cholery jest nie tak?
Wołałam o pomoc. To był mój własny, największy wielki piątek, mimo, że była akurat październikowa sobota. Nie chciałam zakłócać nikomu spokoju, ale czułam, że jeśli nie przyjdzie na czas – po prostu umrę. To nie było żadne znane mi wcześniej doznanie. Myślałam, że nawet nie mam siły napisać ani zadzwonić do mojego ukochanego i mojej rodziny. Nie miałam siły przeprosić, że już nie dam rady walczyć. Że odpuszczam i ich opuszczam. Oni nie mogli nawet wejść, bo na oddziale byli pacjenci covidowi i zakaz odwiedzin.
Nadal nie mogłam jeść. Podłączona do żółtego znienawidzonego przeze mnie już worka absorbowałam przez żyły szpitalną mieszankę, która podtrzymywała moje ciało przy życiu. Jeszcze bardziej ohydna była rurka od sondy w nosie, ale ten dobroczynny instrument ochraniał mnie przed udławieniem się treścią z żołądka. Czułam się samotna i było mi przykro, że nie mogę umrzeć w domu. Podziwiałam starsze osoby, które zwykle cierpiały w ciszy. Ja jęczałam, a moje współpacjentki płakały razem ze mną i co chwilę wolały pielęgniarki.
Małe dziecko woła “Mamo!” Dorośli różnie, ale nadal wydaje mi się, że najczęściej słyszałam chorych błagających o pomoc Boga.
Dlaczego tak jest?
Jak woła chory w Indiach? Albo w Chinach?
Jak woła chory w Syrii? Jak woła człowiek, który deklaruje się jako niewierzący?
Na pewno się dowiem.
W szpitalu odpowiedzią na wołanie cierpiącego jest „proszę spróbować zasnąć” albo „co się tam stało? Zaraz dam zastrzyk” albo – jakaś decyzja lekarza.
Wydaje mi się, że szczególnie na oddziałach operacyjnych warto rozważyć stałą obecność lekarza, który w danym dniu na przykład nie operuje. Mogłoby to skrócić cierpienie, bo pielęgniarka wspiera i podtrzymuje, ale nie może zdecydować czy na przykład wysłać pacjenta na dodatkowe badanie, dojść do przyczyny problemu i szybciej zadziałać.
W domu jest dotyk i kojący szept. Czasem głaskanie. Łzy opiekuna po wyjściu z pokoju. Łzy bezsilności. Ale cierpienie jest to samo i jesteśmy w nim sami ze sobą. Mimo obecności naszych bliskich.
Moja kochana doktor z Oddziału Gastroenterologii w szpitalu im. Śniadeckiego w Białymstoku nauczyła mnie, że ból chorego trzeba uśmierzać i nie oszczędzać środków. O ile oczywiście chory jest w stanie je przyjąć fizycznie bez pogorszenia stanu ogólnego. Jestem też wdzięczna Pani doktor chirurg, która prowadziła mnie w szpitalu MSWiA w Warszawie. Ta młoda osoba w końcu trzeźwo spojrzała na mój stan i poprosiła Pana Profesora Durlika o zgodę na powtórną operację. Po trzech dniach cierpienia, ze strachem czy przeżyję, ale też z nadzieją na koniec męki, przyjęłam tę propozycję i wylądowałam na stole operacyjnym.
Wszyscy się w tym czasie modlili. Bóg przyjął ich modlitwy i dał mi drugi sezon nowego życia 😍
W cierpieniu wszystko jest ważne. Dobre słowo, zastrzyk przeciwbólowy, łagodność i konkretne podjęcie decyzji, wysyłana nawet z daleka miłość i cierpliwość. Oraz modlitwa.
Widzicie? I znów dziękuję 😘
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