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„Pozytywy” choroby
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„Pozytywy” choroby

Na lotnisku w Kuala Lumpur zobaczyłam piękne chusty i czepki. Pomyślałam, że może uda mi się zachęcić kobiety w czasie chemioterapii, aby stylowo przeszły ten trudny etap. Mimo niezrozumienia rodziny, decyduję się na zakup kilku chust na próbę. Wcześniej, widząc miny dezaprobaty moich bliskich dla moich różnych pomysłów, od razu z nich rezygnowałam. Nie były przecież ważne. Albo nawet były głupie i nierozważne. Kto inny ma prawo do wymysłów. Ja nigdy sobie takiego prawa nie dawałam. Ukrywałam przed rodziną czego naprawdę chcę. 

Czy wszyscy rakowcy tak mają? 

Jak piszą autorzy książki „Powrót do zdrowia” (oryginalny tytuł Getting well again), znakomita większość pacjentów onkologicznych to osoby, które w życiu usuwały często lub prawie zawsze swoje potrzeby do kąta. To mili, uczynni nie-egoiści, pełni różnych talentów, gotowi służyć wszystkim oprócz siebie. Choroba okazuje się ich (naszą) jedyną opcją, by pozwolić sobie żyć tak, jak wielu zdrowych potrafi – z zaznaczaniem granic, korzystaniem z uwagi bliskich i realizacją „tak, tego właśnie chcę.”

Choroba daje szansę na uwagę i opiekę. Szczególnie tym, którzy czują się mniej ważni. 

Spotkałam w szpitalu kilku, szczególnie starszych ludzi, którzy lepiej czuli się na oddziale niż w domu. Tu dostawali zainteresowanie pielęgniarek i mogli porozmawiać z innymi pacjentami. Tutaj czuli się zauważeni. 

Henryk był zawsze podporządkowany żonie.

Gotował jej, woził do lekarza i na zakupy. Ich ukochany syn zawsze miał podane na talerzu. Henryk był pracowity, ale ciągle czuł się niedoceniony. Poza domem był duszą towarzystwa i wujkiem Dobra Rada. Znał się na wszystkim i miał dużo do powiedzenia. Uwielbiał opowiadać o swoich przygodach i podróżach z młodości. Gdy odeszła jego żona, a syn wyjechał za granicę, Henryk przygarbił się i posmutniał. Zamiast kolorowych wspomnień uskarżał się na choroby i domagał się, by go zabrano do szpitala. Często wzywał pogotowie ratunkowe. 

Kilka miesięcy później pojawił się rak płuc. Henryk przez wiele lat dużo palił papierosów i dla większości ludzi to jest przyczyna choroby. Według zespołu Carla Simontona, nałogowy palacz wcale nie musi umrzeć na raka płuc. Uśmiechnięty nałogowy palacz, który większość życia czuł się nieważny i musiał uciekać w podróże lub na ryby, a potem został sam bez uwagi bliskich – owszem, może. 

Anna obdarowywała wszystkich. Karmiła dorosłych już wnuków i pilnowała, żeby niczego im nie brakowało. Córka pracowała całymi dniami i nie miała czasu zajechać do matki. Wpadała w weekendy na zmianę bielizny i przynosiła wodę. Spotkanie trwało krótko, ale i tak Anna była szczęśliwa, że rodzina ją odwiedza. W domu najczęściej była sama. Gdy upadła i nie mogła wezwać pomocy, stukała laską w ścianę do sąsiadów i to oni wezwali pogotowie. 

Popatrz na siebie. Czy są momenty, że nagle pojawiają się jakieś dolegliwości chorobowe, gdy potrzebujesz czyjejś uwagi? Z moich obserwacji wynika, że chory (lub zdrowy) koncentruje się na chorobie, bo inaczej nie umie zawołać „hej! Ja też jestem ważny!” Chory, którego chorobę można potraktować jako zakończenie trudnego wcześniejszego okresu, najczęściej koncentruje się na życiu. Chory, który nie widzi szans na zmianę – traci energię i umiera. 

Choroba z jednej strony jest cierpieniem, a z drugiej może pełnić rolę wołania o uwagę.  Przynoszenie do szpitala jedzenia i picia jest ważne, ale o wiele ważniejsze jest spędzenie czasu i zainteresowanie. Tego warto nie odkładać do okresu choroby.

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