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Wyobrażam sobie
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Wyobrażam sobie

Nie umiem medytować. Youtuberscy i nie tylko – nauczyciele medytacji proponują różnymi głosami i metodami nauczyć mnie tej umiejętności, ale jest we mnie więcej spięć niż relaksacji. Moja przyjaciółka Asia słodko zasypia przy wypowiadanych, damskim lub męskim głosem, słowach o szczęściu, spokoju i głębokim oddechu, który to rozświetla całe ciało. Ona odpływa, a ja jeszcze długo potem słyszę ten głos, który hm … przeszkadza mi spać. Niektórzy mistrzowie zachęcają do pozycji siedzącej z wyprostowanym kręgosłupem i specjalnie ułożonymi dłońmi. Plecy mi ciągną, klatka piersiowa napięta, szyja bardziej podobna do metalowego pręta niż do gibkiej konstrukcji ze ścięgien i mięśni. Do tego brak cierpliwości. 

Efekt – lekcje z medytacji odkładamy na półkę „na potem”.

Kiedyś częściej zanurzałam się w medytacyjny odpoczynek z pomocą Różańca albo Koronki do Miłosierdzia Bożego. A czemu by nie? Kto powiedział, że medytacja jest wyłącznością tylko jednej religii? 

Gdy miałam problemy z chemioterapią, którą mój umysł odrzucał, postanowiłam przekonać się do leczenia i popracować przy pomocy metod psychoonkologów z zespołu doktora Simontona. Czytałam wskazówki, zamykałam oczy, ale moja wyobraźnia widziała tylko to, czego ja nie chciałam pamiętać. Niestety, nie dałam rady zająć się niczym oprócz przetrzymania okropnego samopoczucia. To nie był mój czas na ćwiczenia relaksacyjne. Podobnie jak chory kot, pragnęłam ukryć się, zwinąć w kłębek i przeczekać. 

Wyzdrowiałam, moje wyniki są lepsze, a markery nowotworowe się zmniejszyły. Wróciłam do nauki autoterapii. 

Pierwszy i niezbędny warunek do jej rozpoczęcia to relaksacja. Carl Simonton i jego zespół połączyli relaksację z wizualizacją. Relaksacja dla niektórych jest prosta. Ale nie dla mnie. Moje ciało nawet w czasie masażu potrzebuje około dwudziestu minut, żeby się rozluźnić. Zgodnie z opisem w książce Simontona, siadam wygodnie, opieram stopy na podłodze, zamykam oczy i koncentruję się najpierw na kilku oddechach. Po prostu oddycham. Nic więcej. Obserwuję brzuch i ruch klatki piersiowej. Co chwila mój oddech jest naturalnie coraz głębszy. Potem, z zamkniętymi oczami, kieruję uwagę na twarz i ją napinam. Wyobrażam sobie, że mam na twarzy jakiś czepek, albo gumkę, albo czapkę kominiarkę nasuniętą niewygodnie.  Ściskam żuchwę i napinam mięśnie twarzy, a potem je rozluźniam. I to tyle? No tak. Twarz już jest zrelaksowana ☺️

Potem robię to samo z poszczególnymi częściami ciała. Napinam, czasem czuję jakieś zastoje i poluzowuję. 

Po przejściu całego ciała (niektórzy nazywają to skanowaniem), zaczynam wyobrażać sobie te punkty, w których podejrzewam chorobę. Pozostałości komórek nowotworowych? A może jakieś ognisko zapalne? Lekki ból pod żebrami? Ucisk w głowie? Zatkane zatoki? Cokolwiek. 

Wdech – w wyobraźni kieruję tam całe powietrze. Wydech i kolejne rozluźnienie. Gdy mi za trudno to myślę „Flak! Flak!”. Mało elegancko, ale działa. 

Jeśli mam do czynienia z rakiem, to wyobrażam sobie komórki rakowe jako szare, słabe i zdezorientowane. Psychoonkolodzy zalecają, by wyobrażać sobie nowotwór jako coś, co da się rozdzielić na mniejsze kawałki. Jeśli komuś brakuje wyobraźni, to najprościej jest wyobrazić sobie kotleta mielonego lub starego burgera. W takiej postaci nasze białe krwinki mogą go rozdzielić, zaatakować, unieszkodliwić i wydalić. 

Wyobrażanie sobie procesów w ciele nie jest żadną magią. Nasz organizm tak działa – synteza i analiza; substancje, komórki, makrocząstki, hormony – dołączają się i rozbijają na przykład pożywienie na mniejsze części, aby umożliwić dostarczenie do komórek poszczególnych elementów potrzebnych do życia. Znalazłam na ten temat ciekawy kanał pasjonaty animacji, Thomasa Schwenke. Według mnie ten filmik powinien być pokazywany w szkołach na lekcjach biologii. 

Do walki z chorobami mamy białe krwinki. Różni pacjenci różnie sobie je wyobrażają – przecież nie pracujemy w labolatoriach i wierzymy lekarzom, że tak jest. Po raku nadal jest trochę strachu. Wiele lat utrzymywania nas w przekonaniu, że po raku musi być przerzut, nie pomaga w samoleczeniu Zespół Simontona prowadził taką terapię z pacjentami, których inne ośrodki już nie chciały leczyć. Niektórym udało się – oczywiście nadal przy zastosowaniu chemio-, radio czy innych metod – przeżyć kolejne lata w dobrej jakości życia. 

Po kilku praktykach w domu zaczęłam wyobrażać sobie moje białe ciałka krwi jako białe kotki.  Skoro rak to „kawał mięsa”, łatwo umiem sobie wyobrazić, jak maluchy dopadają do narośniętej podejrzanej błony i gryzą. Muszą przekręcać głowy, bo odgryzione kawałki trzeba podzielić bocznymi ząbkami na mniejsze fragmenty i potem połknąć. Potem, jak to kotki, wylizują ten fragment ciała do czysta. Fizjologia musi być zachowana również w procesie samouzdrowienia, więc kotki potem hm… robią co trzeba i to wszystko ląduje w toalecie. 

Dodatkowe zadanie to narysowanie swoich wyobrażonych obrazów i ich przeanalizowanie. A może nowotwór jest groźny i za duży w moich oczach? Czy na pewno terapia jest wystarczająca, żeby osłabić drania? Czy małe białe kotki są wystarczająco głodne, żeby wylizać do czysta mój organizm z niepotrzebnych śmieci? 

Nie mam wcale talentu plastycznego, dlatego do tego posta poprosiłam Karolinę Nurkowską o jej interpretację moich wyobrażeń. Z taką armią to można zdrowieć! ☺

Mam duży wpływ na to, czy choruję. Najsilniejszymi moimi wrogami są mój strach, moje zamartwianie się, wyobrażenia o nieudanych przedsięwzięciach, trzymanie w sobie złości i nieprzebaczenia. 

Moimi przyjaciółmi są łagodność, oddychanie, uśmiech, dobre jedzenie, ruch i życie tak, aby moje ciało nie musiało reagować – czy to bólem jakiejkolwiek części, czy też zaburzoną równowagą. 

Gdy żyję w zgodzie ze sobą, wyobrażam sobie moje dzielne białe kotki śpiące słodko wewnątrz mojego ciała. Odpoczywają po trudnej walce, ale są czujne na każdego intruza, który się pojawia – wtedy polują, wygryzają i wylizują do czysta.

A Ty jak sobie wyobrażasz swoje białe krwinki? 

Przewiń proszę, aby skomentować.

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